After deciding to do whatever was necessary to stay clean. I committed myself to working the steps as thoroughly as possible.
When I got to the 3rd step, I ran into trouble. My previous answers based upon my religious faith did not suffice. I found myself writing and then tearing it up, throwing it away, burning my answers. (true story) I refused to be a hypocrite any more and write something I did not believe in.
That process went on for over 1 year (slow learner). Finally my sponsor had enough and told me that together we were going to get through it. We sat down, I spoke about what I was thinking, feeling, fearing.
I was shown one simple line in the Basic Text.
“We realize that the Power that brought us to this program is still with us and will continue to guide us if we allow It.”
I could easily admit that I did not bring myself to the rooms. I could easily admit that I did not coming back through 3.5 years of relapses based on my own faith. At that point, I could accept that I had no earthly idea of what my higher power was, but it was greater than myself.
All I had to do was decide to be willing each day.
We changed the phrase “God of my understanding” to the “God I am coming to understand.” I opened the door and my God showed up and gently began the process of restoring me to sanity.
My prayer each morning begins: “God, thank you for the gift of another day. Please help me to remain willing.”
Thank you for letting me share.
Ray of Sonshine 